Facing the loneliness of motherhood

For the last 6 months I have been focusing in this whole motherhood process; I have learned a lot of the basic care of the baby and I have created new routines. I have been creating a balance between my home and work tasks. I have been trying to dedicate at least 30 minutes a day for myself. I have been investigating and following creative advises for common baby problems. This past 6 months I have been enjoying my baby girl as much as I can but at the same time, there has been a lot of mental and physical challenge. It’s been an intense time of my life in which I have experienced a lot of new feelings.

When we speak about motherhood, we think about that little baby that makes us smile every day. For some reason though, we find difficult to realize that motherhood also brings sadness and sometimes loneliness.

Experiencing those feelings is hard to understand. Why would we be sad when you have planned and expected a baby so much? Why would we be feeling lonely if we have family, a parthner, friends and that little one? We distress just thinking about it. We feel we should have everything in control. It should be perfect.

Well, last week I had an emotional breakdown. I felt extremely overwhelmed, exhausted and discouraged. I felt like a was carrying a big weight on my shoulders… weakness in my bones… heaviness in my joints. I felt  I was running around doing a lot but at the end f the day didn’t accomplish much. I felt like a slave from the breastfeeding and the routine. I wanted to scape from my body for a couple of days. I wanted to sleep for a whole night. I felt loneliness. Even though I felt like that before in the postpartum, it was the first time I actually felt guilty about accepting I was vulnerable. I was feeling guilty with my baby since I knew she needed care, love and protection. And I was the only one who could give her that.

For a couple of days I read very interesting blogs around this topic. I found out unintentionally, that my 6 month old baby has been waking up a lot more at night lately. This has some organic causes related to the acquisition of new sleep phases that start appearing. It is also related to other emotional causes like the start of the solid food process, teething and separation anxiety. This explained a lot the fatigue I was dealing with.

I also read about how the majority of mothers associated the loneliness with general incomprehension from the society, from the close environment and even own inconprehension. Many blogs advised the need of a ‘tribe’ that could help new mommies to raise their babies in companionship. But in my case this is complicated. To live away from both of our families has a very high cost when it comes to create a ‘tribe’. One can know a lot of people but only a few will come often to visit you or ask if you need something.

I found so many articles, news, blogs that touched the topic. I found out that I wasn’t as alone as I thought I was. Thousands of women around the world feel loneliness in the first few months of motherhood, specially those who breastfeed.

Identifiying and accepting the problem with no remorses was the first step. I decided to follow some advises from Ph. D Guy Winch. Since I am still not ready to go out and have a social life just yet without my baby, I took her to do what I enjoyed the most. I got a bag ready and we left to the beach for just for a couple of hours to watch the sunset. Once we got home and I put her into bed, I called an old friend through Skype. We had a few glasses of wine and talked for a while. I felt a huge relief after it.

I finally felt comprehended (I think honestly though if I would have shared that feeling with anyone else they would have probably understood as well).

But in the other hand, I allowed my soul to fly away for a couple of hours to  return back brand new into my body, ready for a new sunrise.

  10 comments for “Facing the loneliness of motherhood

  1. July 18, 2018 at 12:28 pm

    Having a baby takes a lot out of us. Feeling lonely does come with the territory I agree with you on that. It is a roller coaster of emotions. We just have to keep going. You rock momma!

  2. July 18, 2018 at 12:54 pm

    It is SO lonely, especially for the first 6 months or so. We were the first of our friends to have kids, so NO ONE around me understood what me new life looked like. I have found that I really need to reach out, and find a new mommy tribe, people that get it, people who understand and don’t judge and embrace the mess that has become my reality. It is still lonely at times but I try to remember that I am not actually alone.

  3. July 18, 2018 at 1:01 pm

    Being a mother is the toughest and one of the loneliest. I’m glad you realize it and can talk about it. I think society expects us to neglect ourselves when becoming a mother, but being a good mother entails us to also take care of ourselves. And we shouldn’t feel guilty about that. As a working mom, this is tough for me at times. This article was a good reminder to give myself grace. And also, just when I thought my baby had a routine, it changed unexpectedly. I’ve come to accept that as well!

  4. July 18, 2018 at 1:17 pm

    Motherhood can most definitely be lonely at times. I have learned to lean on God big time! I can’t do it alone. My husband works full time and is usually busy in the evenings taking care of things also. He does his best to help me as much as he can while he’s home but during the day it’s me! You can do this mama, you were created for this 😊

  5. July 18, 2018 at 10:32 pm

    Having a baby is hard. I remember those first 6 months were really lonely. What helped me was joining some mom groups, swim class and the local library. It’s hard but you got this!

  6. July 18, 2018 at 10:48 pm

    This is something I never expected from motherhood. However, I sure experienced it. Its good to know I was not alone, nor is any other new mom.

  7. July 19, 2018 at 12:09 am

    One thing is for sure — it will get better!! The changes in your life could definitely take a toll on you emotionally but well worth it 🙂 Keep being strong!

  8. Swapna
    July 19, 2018 at 3:03 am

    It’s really the hardest part of motherhood…. Special the first year, when your hormones will be at peak, we tend to feel so sad, depressed… I have experienced it too…

  9. Jessica
    July 19, 2018 at 4:45 am

    I’m going through this right now. I feel very alone and at times depressed. It’s hard! It will get easier as the days go on.

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