Building my tribe

Monica turned 11 months this week. This made me feel a bit nostalgic. Each new skill she learns is one more step towards her being more independent from me. The first year of my baby has been very beautiful, but it has also been chaotic

11 months baby
11 chaotic months

The first year

Each quarter has had its challenges. The first 3 months were a time of adaptation, no sleep and lots, lots of milk. The second trimester we dealt with returning back to work. There were very emotional moments because having to leave such a small baby at home is not easy for anyone. The third quarter brought my daughter much more mobility. It was necessary to make sure we had a safe house. Between crawling and taking everything inside her mouth it was aslo necessary to have our eyes on her 100% of the time. And so, we have reached the last quarter where she has discovered being a different human being and where she begins to have her own demands.

Sometimes I wonder if the fatigue I feel at times will be the product of accumulation or of the different challenges of motherhood between one era and another.
Sometimes I also think that I would like to have more help. Nature teaches us that it is more efficient to raise the young ones in a herd. Elephants, orcas, lions and orangutans are good examples of this.

Elephants raise their young ones together.
Elephants raise their young ones together.

The importance of the support networks

Humans do not escape from that reality.
There is phrase that states, “it takes a whole tribe to raise a child” and for me, that is completely true.
For me and my husband, being alone in this process has not been easy. Certainly, I am a little envious of mothers who have their families nearby, because they can take a breath or a microsleep from time to time.
Sometimes I remember how at the beginning of postpartum I went through a certain melancholy; an inexplicable sadness where everything made me feel like crying. And although my hormones “returned to their place” alone, at that time, I would have liked to be able to open my heart to another mother who could understand that emotional pain.As self-sufficient as I thought I was, I realized that we all need a support network, a tribe, a community where we can express ourselves freely, where we can maintain our sanity, clear our minds, laugh at crazy things, lean on hard times and even choose the maternal attire or the christening gown.

Building my tribe

I have been building my network little by little.
At home, me and my husband help each other a lot. That way we manage to have some peace.Social networks can be a great help for this purpose as well. Facebook, Baby Center, Instagram and Whatsapp have become my allies to find other moms where I can resolve my many questions.

Fortunately I’m also at the right age where my generation is having babies so we can all relate, sit down and talk about being moms.

Writing also, has been a way to release the soul, to learn and also to teach. Having this blog has allowed me to keep up to date and help other moms to find the path to enjoy their motherhood.

And finally taking care of old friends has also been important. Although we can not continue seeing each other as often as we did, we can give more value to the little time we can enjoy together.

Friends for ever

  9 comments for “Building my tribe

  1. August 27, 2018 at 4:46 pm

    I definitely agree that having a tribe is very important. Unfortunately, all of my family is in NY and my husbands is split between NY & Dominican Republic. We are in Las Vegas. The first year is the best though, enjoy the last month!

  2. August 27, 2018 at 5:31 pm

    This post is so true. Its so important to find your support system. I’ve found you can meet some great friends online.

    Congrats on making it 11 months! Every time my little nugget moves up a stage, I find I need to reconfigure. And each stage so far has been my “favorite”. A year is so much fun! You’ve got great milestones ahead 🙂

  3. Jo
    August 27, 2018 at 5:50 pm

    I feel for you and totally relate to this. We also would love a bigger ‘tribe ‘ for our child, but as parents in our. Mid 40s our parents are either dead or too old to ask, siblings live far away and our friends have children who aren’t old enough to babysit! It can be hard, but I’m sure it will pass soon. Lots of warm wishes

  4. August 27, 2018 at 7:33 pm

    Yes, I feel like parenting is so much harder when you don’t have a good support system! Whether it’s family, friends, a facebook group- us parents need that support!

  5. August 28, 2018 at 1:32 pm

    I have always hated asking for help and support but that all changed once I had a little one. Asking for help and finidng other mommas was the best thing I did when I became a new mom.

  6. August 30, 2018 at 2:33 am

    My LO is turning 7 months in a few weeks! Congrats on yours!
    Yes I’ve heard that phrase so many times. Support is SO important. No matter what age, your tribe will always hold so much important and loving value.

  7. August 30, 2018 at 6:44 am

    Well they say it takes a village to raise a little one and it is so true. Having support is so important otherwise it can be really hard to cope

  8. August 30, 2018 at 6:13 pm

    Having a child changes everything. I have two. Looking back on the years, I’m grateful for everyone who has helped me to raise them. Unfortunately, we’ve never lived close to family. So I don’t know what it’s like to have family babysitters and extra help. A close family tribe would be so helpful and is very much needed. I intend to be there for my sons as they grow up and to help my future daughters-in-law. Everyone needs a tribe.

  9. September 6, 2018 at 12:31 pm

    Having a community is so important, especially when you have a family. My tribe has helped me out sooooo many times.

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